Sitting at home leaves me time to think...to much time. Dwelling on problems in my life, inconsistency in my head, focus in constant flux. Being at home alone makes me notice little tendencies I have, or the sstrange things I do when alone. I always sit in the same coushin on the couch. I step in the front take off my shoes, light a stick on incense, pour a hot cup of water and put in a tea bag. Then to the bedroom to let Tia out of her kennel. Take her outside to use the bathroom, walk 3/4 the way across the field, then turn and come back. When I get back inside and turn on the tv and xbox, then finish my tea.

The habitual tendencies that we all carry I find increasingly annoying. I hate doing the same thing all the time, but the loner Pat is away at training, the more hibitual things become, perhaps as a way to kill the time and the lonliness I feel here on my own. Perhaps, it's me noticing all these things that explain my lack of appitite. For the last week all I have eatten was a little rice in the morning, my six cups of tea, and a grilled cheese sandwich at night....perhaps a slice of cheesecake. Lack of appitite is the norm lately, even when I eat I don't feel hungry, 1 sandiwch makes me feel unbearable full. Yet, it is the price I pay to make sure my blood sugar doesn't drop. Before anyone makes assumptions, I'm not starving myself, far from it. I will admit that I forget to eat now and then, but I don't do it on purpose.

I will get to see Pat the end of the month, I'm just hoping that will raise my spirits...Until then....I'm tired.

Ta.